Still in quest for real meaning of life...

Is this the midlife crisis. Does it happen with everybody or I am the more lost soul around???With growing years , experience and maturity, the zeal and enthusiasm to live life dies out. There is a certain emptiness that seeps in - one which cannot be described in words but is just there.

I always thought success and money  can replace almost everything but a new awakening - It may not.Six years back I had to leave a successful career  and I thought that was the end of the world for me. But I continued my journey to something more meaningful and satisfying professionally. I thoroughly enjoyed my  stint of entrepreneurship. Not only the material success made me happy but also the fact that I continue to explore different things and be successful in that  .But this is not giving me happiness anymore. Is it the monotony that I want to break free from or am I a wanderer???

I have often wondered about a lot of questions for which I am unable to find an answer- what is my goal in life, why do I keep trying various things whether it is professionally or spiritually, why can't I settle with what is already there and not look for a change every few years. As a part of understanding life better I have attended and did a lot of spiritual practices whether it was Art of Living or buddhist practice too but am unable to find the answers for my questions. But probably my hunt for newer things might take me someday to the true aim and goal of my life.

Till then I am in search of myself  and real meaning of this thing called Life...  
 

Some random abstract thoughts...!!!

Lot of feelings inside my heart .
Have I gone crazy or is this what people call "Let go".
One of those rare days when one instance I want to hold on to, another I want to let go,
One instance want to go back, another moment move ahead .
This is going to be one of the most abstract ones.
Since the feelings are abstract how can the words not be!!!
Even if feelings could have been put into words ,I wouldn't have, for the fear of people calling me insane.

Did I make a mistake holding on to it for so long,
So what has changed now that I want to let go and move on.
Lets keep this as incomprehensible as it is and go on...


PS: Very random and I guess this piece is more like an abstract painting or a piece of art - where the painter has something in his mind when creating it  while the audience have a different thought when viewing it  .Similarly I had my own thoughts while writing this. The reader might have a different perception. Do leave a note of your perception if you happen to read this.

Relearning the basics.

We all teach our kids the famous proverb "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind". But did we ever tell them "A small good done doesn't make you poor".These days  a lot of people are talking about world peace and stuff.I often wondered there is so disharmony,so discontentment all around us .People are unable to bring peace even in the small area they are living whether it is the immediate neighbourhood or the family. In fact I think neighbourhood and family comes into the picture much later ,the discontentment and disharmony is there even at an individual level. We  have become so materialistic and discontent in this mad race that we forgot to have peace even inside us forget the neighbourhood or the family. But of late I have been noticing something. If you do a small good for somebody it comes back manifold ofcourse we have to change the mentality of helping look like some kind of a status symbol or a pity that you have taken on the other person. The other day I was going through somebody's facebook page where the lady has mentioned in her update how good she was feeling after donating some blankets to the needy. Ofcourse everybody is entitled to their own opinion but I found that update in bad taste.

If we see our parents generation they used to do their bit whether it was a neighbors' daughter's marriage, or a child born in the next house or sending some cooked veggies to an aunt living on the next lane or taking care of the old aunty living closeby. These are a few of the things that I myself have seen my mom doing .And the best part was that these things were so much a part of their lives that they never thought they have done something extraordinary. As a result what happened was they got help whenever in need .So this viscious circle of doing good and getting good in return resulted in happiness and peace inside and around them. How Logical And How simple ofcourse!!!Still at that time nobody did it thinking about logics. It just came natural to them,They were brought up like that. These days those small little things have become difficult and as a result a cause for stress in our minds. Our generation ,as we grew up we also grew apart. Ofcourse the liabilities and responsibilities also grew as we became more technologically advanced. We now don't have the time to do all of those stuff which our moms or grandmoms did. But I guess we still can do our small little bit .How??That our generation have to find out in our own personal surroundings. There is never dearth of opportunities for doing small little good .

A little more comprehension...

Time makes you more mature than age. For me too the age didn't work but time did. For last few years I literally struggled with life to bring myself back to the usual me. But the harder I tried the more difficult it became. No this time I am not complaining because I also understood that for how long can you complain about something .Also you just can't continue to live in the memories. But as they say  there is something good in all the bad times too. And that was, it continued  and is still continuing to make me understand a little more about myself, a little more about life ,a little more about my environment. It made me understand the biggest strength of mine that I am a fighter. There have been a lot of times when I thought to myself that why was I chosen one to be  strayed from a conventional and successful path(atleast in worldly ways) that I was following and left in the midst where I had no clue which way to go. I have seen one ,two and slowly and gradually all doors closing , that too in a very strange manner which made me wonder often " How can life be so unpredictable ,so unfair, so incomprehensible." But Life is Life. It never comes with a  warning. :-).But it does give you the experiences which  you so much need to bring out the best in you. Now when I say the best in you it doesn't mean the best coder or the best tester or the best manager. The best has a much deeper meaning than we understand. It brings out the human in you .Even If it is dead there is so much of grilling(yes the amrit manthan inside the soul) that it comes alive. This manthan can never be brought had it not been for the so called bad experiences.
                                 I am still not through with the manthan. But I have lessened complaining about it and think of them as "a must" for bringing out the best in me. Sometimes in an optimistic way I also think otherwise ...that May be I am in the god's favourite list that He chose me to go through the grilling and understand the life that he has given ,in a better way".  [Smile]

Imprints

You sometimes come as tears ,
You sometimes come as a smile ,
You sometimes make me cry ,
You sometimes make me smile.

Love it was not,
The imprints still on my heart.

Life moved on,on a new path
Thought , we'll move on
You still come as  a tear
You still come as a smile
You still make me cry
You still make me smile

Love it was not,
The imprints still on my heart.

Part of me gone with you
Part of me left behind
The left part became complete with time
But
You still come as  a tear
You still come as a smile
You still make me cry
You still make me smile

Love it was not,
The imprints still on my heart.

 

The battle continues...

Once again ,Life- My favourite topic. Yes I love to talk about Life.One reason may be I am a philosophical person,the other I have ample time now to wonder about so many things and just jot them.
                         My one of the closest friend commented today "Your courage and strength is worth appreciation".Amidst all the confusions and challenges of life this one liner came as a breather .And I realised genuine and sincere appreciation always makes you little more stronger to face life's harsh situations.All of us dream ,me being a daydreamer I do it all the more.Some of them come true and some remain a dream.A decade back I had seen a picture where a person was standing at the edge of a cliff.That time the picture seemed so pretty.Now often I have felt mys elf standing at that same place.There are phases in your life when life pushes you even beyond your maximum limits.Ofcourse those are your limits, not the ones set by life .
At this time the only thing that comes handy is strength and a lot of calmness inside to  face the utter chaos outside.Those are the times when actually life just doesn't expect you to sort out the chaos .It only expects you to remain calm and go with the flow.These are such times that even if you manage to stand still and not go in opposite direction you have won the battle.  In one of such times in order to get out of the chaos I have tried to go against the waves but soon realised its not worth the effort .The harder I tried to reach the other edge the harder the waves tried to throw me in the opposite direction.
 This post of mine might contradict little with the previous posts.The previous ones depict the usual me where I set a goal and try hard to reach it and finally able to acheieve it.Not that I
 have become dormant and will just keep going with the flow .I might have slowed down but have not given up yet for they say "Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn."

PS:By the way on a happier note "It rains hardest on the people who deserves the sun."

So no matter how many times I think and say this why all these struggles in my life but deep down in my heart I know since I deserve a bright glowing sun I have to bear more rains than the common mortals.  :-)

 

Pushing Life to success and contentment...

Can't believe,Exactly one year has passed since I last wrote my blog . Because I decided I would not write until I have something good to write about.Not that I have become completely successful and can celebrate it now but still I am on the path... path of my dream of becoming an entrepreneur...Since 2010 september I was in a kind of depression that why can I not do something which interests me as well as pay me a handsome amount and still give me time for myself.I just started with a vague plot in my mind that I want to do something of my own and not work for somebody else.But what work...? Some non technical ideas came across my mind.Discussed that with lot of people but nothing fruitful came out.Maybe the reason was that I had no experience in that and also a fear that it might not even work out.Meanwhile there had been times when I used to think am I being foolish by just hatching stupid plots and this would sometime make me more miserable.
                                       But then I always thought if you cannot dream big you cannot achieve big.In this time I also became more spiritual in the sense that I am able to  understand and resolve some major whys of my life and accept life the way it is and still strive to make it more meaningful in almost all the ways (ofcourse with less complaints.The goal is " no complaints" :-).)I realised that when you have taken so much from the society there is something that you also have to give back to the society in whatever manner you could.Life is always complicated but learning to handle those complications with grace only comes with maturity and that maturity comes after you have learnt your lessons from life.I have always been a fighter in my life and I really thank god and my parents for giving me this spirit of fighting against toughest life situations.I am fighting back with life to make my weaknesses my strength and move ahead on an altogether different  professional path and this is what I am striving for these days and the best part is that  I am enjoying this struggle...My aim now is to do if not better than my earlier professional life atleast equally good here ...May god bless me with all the success and happiness in return for my struggles.